So, I have ADHD! What now?
The road to receiving a diagnosis of any type can be anxiety-provoking for most of us and receiving a diagnosis of
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the same. Many adults I work with express feeling a mixture
of relief, validation and empowerment. For some others, they additionally experience feelings
of anti-climax and ambiguity, which can be surprising for them. It is important to know that there is no correct way
to feel. Also, if you are told that you do not meet the criteria
for a diagnosis of ADHD, but have traits, you may share similar feelings to those who do, but you may also be left
feeling confused and disappointed.
If you have received a diagnosis of ADHD (or have many traits), here are some tips I give to and
receive from my clients:
- You are still the same person. Of course, you know this on some level, but oftentimes there is hope that a diagnosis, particularly of a
neurodevelopmental condition (a condition you are born which affects the way your brain learns and processes
information) made in adulthood, may bring about a change in you. This may of course occur in time, but perhaps not
immediately. For some of my clients, they begin to carefully consider who they may share the news of their diagnosis
with and the impact this might have on some relationships.
- Learn as much as you can about ADHD. You may have already carried out lots of research on what ADHD is; however, after receiving a diagnosis, hopefully
receiving a report outlining areas of strength and challenge, you may feel the need to review the literature as it
pertains to you. Often learning about ourselves and our needs are closely related to the idea that knowledge is power.
As you learn about your strengths (or superpowers, as some of my clients refer to their strengths as) and challenges
this may provide you with a sense of agency (i.e., some control over your actions and, sometimes, unintended
consequences).
- Learn, but pace yourself. Rome was not built in a day, right? Many of my clients have reported wanting to learn as much as possible about ADHD.
This is understandable and helpful. However, be aware that you should not hyperfocus on this. As you learn about ADHD,
ADHD hyperfocus refers to an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time. Pace yourself
with the learning, as you will need time to process all that you read or discuss with others. Some things you learn will
absolutely fit with your experiences and you may shout “That's so me!”. However, some things may bring to mind painful
and challenging experiences you have had in the past or recently whereby you may feel angry, disappointed, guilty or
sad. Be compassionate towards yourself, none of us are perfect and many of us do and say things without realising the
consequences, right? I have had someone close to me say that they did not realise they interrupted others often
and that people found this to be rude or arrogant. We talked about it being so hard having an idea in your head and
being unable to share it immediately, particularly if you are feeling emotional about whatever is being discussed.
- Who to tell. Information about yourself is personal and we are selective with what we choose to share with others. For some people,
their family and/or partners are the first people with whom they share news of their diagnosis. However, for others,
they do not feel ready to share the news with anyone straight away, feeling that they need time to process it first.
Sometimes, you may feel more comfortable sharing the news with friends or trusted colleagues because they may give you
the support you require. These days, many of my clients and people I know join various forums (some of which I'll list
below) because they want to learn from and share with those with lived experience of ADHD. This makes good sense and I highly
recommend this.
- Journalling. I ask many of my clients with and without a diagnosis of ADHD to journal. Sometimes this may be carried out in a natural and
unstructured way as you would write in a diary, perhaps detailing your thoughts and feelings in connection to recent
events. Doing this may be cathartic (i.e., bring psychological relief by openly expressing strong emotions).
Sometimes, I ask people to journal in other ways. For instance, to log their daily activities so that they can
see what it is they are doing daily and across the week. I then ask them to rate out of 10 the amount of pleasure and
sense of achievement they got from the activities they carried out. This sometimes helps me help my clients re-jig,
introduce, stop or reduce certain activities to improve mood, reduce anxiety and provide them with some agency. I also
provide some of my clients with a structured template called a Thought Record to complete if they have distressing
or negative thoughts about themselves. They use this record to challenge negative thoughts and find
more helpful and compassionate ways of viewing themselves and/or the situations in which they find themselves.
- Find safe spaces and people with whom you can be yourself.
We all need this, right? For some, as you get older, having gone through childhood, adolescence or perhaps early
adulthood, you have learned we cannot please everyone and there are things that bring us pleasure which others
(sometimes those closest to us) don't find pleasurable. I often say to people that there are some contexts we have to
try and manage being in (e.g., school, college, university, work, family events etc.), which can be challenging, and
there are others we can be in with little to no effort, in terms of monitoring our performance,
functioning or interaction with others. As we learn to start accepting aspects of ourselves, we may begin to feel
comfortable making informed choices about with whom and where we spend our time. I like to say, we have to try and get
in where we fit in. This can help improve our mood, self-esteem and tune into our superpowers/strengths. Joining
forums and online support groups can meet this need, particularly if meeting with others face-to-face or accessing
activities is not immediately accessible. You may have also come across the term Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD),
which refers to times when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected. RSD has been
associated with ADHD and is an experience many of my clients and people I know described before I came across the term.
The ideas expressed above may be helpful, at least in part, in addressing this.
- Self-care. This is something we all hear a lot about. Look after yourself, as this improves wellbeing. Many people I know and see
in therapy say things like: “I look after myself extremely well, I eat well, exercise and meditate”, “I try and take a
little time for myself as well as meet up with friends regularly”, “That sounds nice, pity I don't have time for that... too busy
working and caring for others”. Self-care, for me, should incorporate biological, psychological and social components.
Therefore, could include the following:
Biological - Thinking about what we put in our bodies and what we do with them e.g., attending to our diet, exercising and being
mindful about medications and substances we use and how they can impact on us physically, psychologically and socially.
Psychological - Taking note of our strengths and qualities are important for self-care and overall wellbeing. Sometimes reading,
listening to podcasts, watching inspirational/motivational videos as well as noting down affirmations and positive statements
can help us with this. In addition, taking time out to do things that bring us pleasure in conjunction with having down time or
alone time is important as this protects us from feeling overwhelmed and allow us to re-energise so that we can function
well.
Social - Spending time with our partners, family and friends is important for many reasons, but mainly because it provides us with a sense of belonging. Also, ensuring we have time
outdoors so that we can interact with others is also beneficial to our health, which is something we have all learned following the pandemic where many of us worked remotely from
home. Of note, many of us use social media; however, I am mindful that monitoring and/or reducing this may be important
for some who spend hours on end in their “spare time” online. This is not to say social media isn't good, as it does
allow us to connect with others more readily and meets our need for learning, development, entertainment and contact.
However, it might be taking you away from spending time with significant others or doing a range of other activities.
With all of this, self-care allows us to think, feel and function better for ourselves and others we care about and work
with.
- Therapy and self-help material is available. For some people who have been struggling prior to receiving a diagnosis of ADHD and continue to do so, therapy is
available as well as self-help resources. Some clients access therapy or counselling to help them adjust to receiving a
diagnosis and use the space to think about what they have learned about ADHD and what this means for them. Others come
to therapy because that are struggling with managing day-to-day due to:
- Feeling low in mood,
- Feeling anxious, generally and/or in social situations
- Difficulty structuring their day, as they constantly feel overwhelmed and/or lose time
to procrastination.
- Difficulty regulating their emotions and challenges with relationships.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Websites/Organisations:
https://adhdgirls.co.uk/
https://www.additudemag.com/
https://www.ukaan.org/
https://www.livingwithadhd.co.uk/
ADDISS: Charity providing information and resources about ADHD for parents, sufferers,
teachers and health professionals.
Adders: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Online information service.
UK Adult ADHD Network: Professional body that aims to support practitioners in rolling out
the NICE clinical guideline 72 and establish clinical services for adults in the UK.
forums:
FACEBOOK: Uk Woman with ADHD, AUTISM AND ADHD SUPPORT GROUP, ADHD & Autism Advice Group.
Reddit: ADHD & ADHD Women
AADD-UK's: Peer-to-Peer Forum
PsychForums: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder forum
Publications & Books:
NICE (2018). Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management. London:
NICE. https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng87
ADHD in Adults: A Psychological Guide to Practice: Susan Young and Jessica Bramham: a
cognitive behavioural model of understanding ADHD - accompanied by a website.
Driven to Distraction: Ed Hallowell & John Ratey: a book written by two American
psychiatrists who themselves have ADHD.
ADD and Success: Lynn Weiss: a book about successful people with ADD - “understanding
and embracing your ADD character to help you to lead a more enjoyable and productive
life”.
You mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy: A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit
Disorder: Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo: A book by ADD adults for ADD adults, practical help
and moral support to adults who are struggling to understand themselves.
How to succeed as a Hunter in a Farmer's World. Thom Hartmann - a book exploring the
evolutionary theories behind ADHD and why people with ADHD feel out of place in the
modern world.
Fast Minds - How to thrive if you have ADHD (or think you have): Craig Surman, Tim Bilkey
Karen Weintraub.